I am Alive.  i'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I don't want to escape from anything. I want to be set free.  Free in Christ, not escaped through Christ.  Because then I'll always be running from the demons of my character that I've chosen to ignore and run from time after time.  No more running, simply freedom, the freedom of escape.  The freedom of learning the lessons that God wanted you to learn and having your character formed finally into what He desired.. wanted dreamed (Je. 29:11, Je 18). 

I'm married, I have a beautiful wife, people have been more gracious to me than I ever deserved.

I don't want to escape humility either.  No plastic surgery for me to try to assuage my delicate self from having to feel what many people have to feel every single day.   Sometimes I try to dress it up by acting like I'm escaping humiliation.  But what is humiliation?  I will try not to mind. Lord help me to be humble, humiliated for Your Sake.

I'm alive, i'm hungry, i'm thirsty, i'm married.  I belong to Jesus.

Hi, whoever maybe reading this.  It's kinda nice in a wierd sort of way being able to vent to the universe on the computer, knowing, that it might just possibly be like yelling off a cliff at night where nobody will ever, ever hear you, but somehow you still feel better.  It's an intersting iteration.

I'm still in Portland, which it's because of my Portland friends that I even vent into the www univese.  Or dot com, XANGA.  Sorry I haven't been around.. been working my tail off.. trying to get done and get back to Cali to be with my fiance.. but the time keeps slipping by.. That verse in the bible somewhere that sounds something like "don't say that you will go here this time and make this much money, you don't even know which way the wind blows..  how can you know tomorow.  Instead say rather . 'if it is the Lord's will" . (ref somewhere in the bible.)

If it's the Lords will I wil be done tomorrow, or by the weekend.  In the last 3 weeks I've worked 220 hours.  My last stretch.. I worked for 40 hours straight.. All through the night and into the next day.. That's crazy!

Today Matt left me with some Worship C.D.S and I cried.  It's been an interesting fog these last 3 weeks.. To anybody that's tuned into this in Portland. I'm sorry I haven't been around.> Really really sorry..

Anywhoo.. I'm tired.. need jesus.. and am really really really glad to be alive.

Thanks to all for the excitement. oh yeah. . I'm excited. To answer the question what is that I do?  Hmmm.. What I'll be doing there is a remodel on the house of some fancy smancy house there in Portland.. So I'm told.. Anywhoo... anybody there looking to log in some hours and make a little cash.. feel free to call me or e-mail me.

Welcome back Shannon! Whoo hoo!.. Garretts going to Costa Rica soon for the next 7 months.. for school he's excited, and I'm sure would love prayer from you all. ... I feel aimless in this post .. so .. til I see you there.

Eli

I'm going to California next week.. I get to see my fiance'.

And much to all your suprise.. and by you I'm referring to my extended portland family,  I got the bid on a job in Portland, so it looks like I'll be heading up your way, and be there on the 24th. Lord willing for about a week or so.. obviously busy.. working.. with all my tools etc... But exciting none the less..

Shannon I'm glad you made it back safe. though and prayed for you often.. looks like the Varis house is totally orderly.. and Jamie is holding tight to God.. that doesn't sound bad at all..

Funny Week:

Have been working on my car, an Isuzu Amigo trying to get it working well enough to drive out to California so I can be with my fiance' for a few months before the marriage.  (EXCITEMENT).  I put a in new: starter, distributor cap & rotor, cables, thermostat, and throttle position sensor.  I was putting in a new oxygen sensor, but the old one when left the threads in the manifold.  I borrowed a re-thread tool, and it left its threads in the manifold again.  I bought another one, to replace the one I'd ruined and started to use it again, and it did the same thing so I quit.  On a whim put the new oxygen sensor in, hoping (leap of faith), that it would "happen" to work, it went all the way... without turning!  So I need a new exhaust manifold.  No place in town has them, and the places to order them from are indefinitely out of stock (that I've found).  Frustration!  Or depression, whichever way you ant to look at it. 

Went hiking up Engineer mountain on Saturday with a friend.  He wanted something that had a great view and was hard to get too. In the winter Engineer is frought with avalanches (they bomb it from airplanes to set the avalanches loose).  It's May, but it stills snows in Colorado, especially up there.  We were waste deep, post-holing through the snow.  I forgot to wear sunscreen and didn't bring any sunglasses (they'd broken, but still a dumb move).  After 9 hours of being on the mountain.  We started at 10,500 feet, ended on the summit at 12,970, over some very exposed terrain.. a visual, a knife edge arrette', with 900 feet on one side (vertical), and about 1300 on the other side at about a 70 degree angle.  Very steep! Very Fun!... Anywhoo, all that to say my face was toasted, and a small stripe horizontally across my eyes where the sun had burned them where I was squinting. That night not so bad!.. The next night blisters in my eyes and my face.  It was kinda funny.. Course everybody knows it made me look hot!

Yeah, not really!.

The Lord's been dealing with me.. a few thoughts,  that though I don't feel like writing down an exhaustive report of the intricacies of God dealing with me in summation:

Some things of God are like the sun, you can't look at them for long without going blind (I went snow blind .. literally)

Thy Rod and Thy staff they comfort me. 

Means God has a great hope for us.

Cheers.

Eli